Wednesday, November 28, 2012

You Only THINK You Make Sense At 4:30 A.M.

That 'At 4:30 A.M.' is probably not necessary.... but who cares?

John and I had our <read HIS> granddaughter over all this week, her Mom was called away and at a dinner party with too much wine I remembered uttering 'You don't need to ask us, just drop her off whenever you want!' before thinking about the repercussions of what so casually spilled out of my mouth... After the wine did of course.

This week has been too much fun in more ways than I'd thought it'd have been. It's nice when your jokes are new to a young audience, John and I had an outline for what we were going to accomplish that was pretty much discarded by Tuesday, and it's been awesome to have such an enthusiastic addition to the household. I could be sarcastic here but anyone with ANY life experience will tell you that when you have a guest for a week you remind yourself later of what you meant to do and wonder why you didn't do it. NOT the case here, it's been a week of nonstop chatter, laughing, constant exercise <both physically and mentally>, and in summary? I'd do it again. I wouldn't, however, do it again NEXT week.

There are things only an 8 year old can say to you that would be devastating if anyone older than 8 said them to you and it's been hard to maintain a straight face in wake of such abstract, non malice based truths. Sometimes you want to burst out laughing, sometimes you want to return the insult until you hopefully remember 'you're the adult here', sometimes you have to wait til later to dissect 'what the hell just happened?', but in a battle of wits? An 8 year old who isn't giving you a run for your money is either watching TV at the time or is completely disinterested in you and what you're saying.  I'll take the alternative of having someone who reveals to me I am old, I am boring, and the 'off' button I didn't think I had is CLEARLY trumped by her COMPLETE lack thereof.

Our walk to the beach in the morning included a coconut I'd never have considered carrying back home to draw on, instead of walking through the garden noticing nothing we skateboarded all over the garden more than once, and the times in the shops that I had the opportunity to leisurely stroll the toy department and see exactly what I'm missing by not being a kid anymore without looking creepy  <try doing that alone as a middle aged man without being reminded that only The Boogey Man strolls the toy department in any shop alone... EVER!>, I did get to see a few things outside the unexpectedly rigid confines that I believed I didn't have. When you find out what a kid thinks of you it forces you to open your eyes and redefine what you think of you, whether it's a really really good discovery or something to add to the 'self improvement super check list' any respectably insecure person wouldn't leave the house without scrolling through.

So? I've been told I'm old, fat, weird, goofy, evil, and a whole list of other adjectives that I still can't approach without whimpering a bit about when I whisper them out loud, but with the exception of John who I must say is enjoying our second honeymoon phase nearly as much as I am, it's incredibly reassuring to be accepted for who you are in the eyes of someone who'd clearly let you know otherwise because of an  awesome natural ability tell only the truth, the truth from her perspective anyway. I'm going to work a bit more on convincing her that I'm not fat. That one really stung.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

45th Birthday Presence

I'm going to leave out the facts.. those being that I was racing to Sydney to celebrate not only John's birthday but mine as well, and a very anticipated 'Happy Anniversary' that was long overdue considering we were married October 28th... The God's <as if> planned a great arrival gift, in the form of a Total Solar Eclipse that was dimmed by the overcast weather south of Sydney in what's known properly as Botany Bay, but these were small details to consider.. especially since I had endured a thirty hour travel time to arrive in the rain at six a.m. and as an added bonus? Well, the flight was entirely under booked and though there were imbeciles who paid top dollar to recline in first class I can report that everyone in the coach section commandeered three seats, three pillows, and three blankets and stretched across their row and I dozed off last noticing the online mapping system had estimated 14.75 hours of travel remaining to our destination. I woke up and looked at the map again and got sexually aroused when the remaining estimated time was 2.33 hours. I had slept adequately to celebrate my birthday not only lucidly but well rested and down right perky!

After a long awaited embrace and public display of affection that made the nappy hairs on the Muslims in our proximity cringe? Well, then it was champagne on our balcony culminating in a great dinner party attended by  one of our daughters and granddaughters, complete with two versions of Happy Birthday, and I am saddened to report one version was NOT 'Lethal Weapon Style'.. see the movie, I like that version best.

It's been two days now and I'm remembering certain protocol, and having to remember our ATM password <Indeed I took the card to shop and was completely embarrassed to report that I couldn't remember my number but that 'no, you aren't taking my card'> and a myriad of other social etiquette functions like if you're trying to get someones attention? Whistling at 110 decibels is only polite if you're hailing a cab in Manhattan. Anywhere else? Well, you're going to scare the bejeezus out of not only the shop c.s.r. but also anyone standing in your immediate area, and then some.  Chortle.

The future is looking pretty damn bright for this middle aged married gay couple and we're currently beginning our battle plans for immigration to insure that we're never separated for three months. If I can be so bold, I was thinking it would take a garden hose with water to separate us yesterday, but that's an entirely different fact I'm also going to omit... Oh, wait... Damn it!... I guess the cat's out of the bag... or the 'rutting dog story' I wasn't going to declare.... Happy Winter/Summer, whichever applies to you, all I can report is I'm content and no material possession has ever provided me with the happiness I now experience.. I wish the same for everyone. Happiness is just blissful and priceless.