Sunday, July 12, 2015

Predict the Weather, Leave me Be.

This year? I have not been keen.

Don't tell me what I  all ready know.
Don't put your words in front of a name
who's sentences  He or I could both finish.
Don't overestimate or underestimate me;
I've earned the right to be selfish for
a time, but not until the end of time.

I've given up my pretenses,
I will not laugh because you want me to,
I will not apologize for my imperfections,
I will be confrontational,
 be sometimes devoid, and some days
wear a warning sign in my eyes that says
 'avoid at all costs'.

This for me is progress.

Whenever someone laughingly asks me
'What's the worst thing that could happen?'
I can laughingly answer for all time
"Fuck-wit, it has all ready been".

Thursday, February 19, 2015

Pre-Spring Thaw... Winter Also Can't Last Forever

After enduring what's got to be the worst year of my life on record,  I finally have days where I nearly feel completely like myself again...  And i feel awful about it,  there's a part of you that feels if you don't hold on the grief and keep it fresh,  you've done some injustice to the person you've lost.  There are people who will remind you of this as well,  aren't they GREAT?!?

Thankfully,  I married John McLoughlin,  and it's days where I hear his voice telling me I've got to "get on with it",  "cope",  or just his general way of being supportive in his own unique manner that tells me the winter was awful but won't last forever,  and although the world will never be the same?  It's the only bloody world you live in,  and you're not doing anybody a scrap of good if your just wrapped up in yourself.

I came to this conclusion after visiting my cousin Keith today,  he's suffered an aneurysm last Spring and has been rehabilitating in Boston.  I decided the weather wasn't going to keep me from a visit and was surprised to find the weather wasn't to be my concern.  It was the MBTA,  or the lack of it that would be my hurdles.  It's not an exaggeration that I took three busses to get to the train,  only to find that it was...  A BUS! A bus took me out of the South Shore to the fringes of Boston so I could resume my travels to Chelsea,  an area of Boston most people wouldn't venture to unless there was the aforementioned "cousin in a rehab"  scenario.  I clutched Gwendolynn. Now and then to make sure she was protecting me the way a musical instrument is supposed to protect a commuter.  It is hoped whomever sees it says "don't hurt this guy...  He knows how to play" cumbaya" and will entertain us if/when the train breaks down.

Once I got to the rehab,  it of course started to snow again and I was forced to arrange my time to make a great Escape and not wind up walking home in the dark.  I left home to visit Keith at 8:30 am,  arrived past noon and nearly immediately. Needed to start making my return trip arrangements.  Eek,  I said.  Of course I brought Gwen and had every intention of showing her off a bit when I was informed unless I was a scheduled musician I could just zip the case right back up.  Really!?!?  So,  of course I went to the desk,  got the phone number for the director,  and figured that I may not be the best musician in the world,  but given this is a nursing home?  If I schedule my performance close to med times they're either in for a treat,  or they won't even remember I was there in the first place.  Win/Win,  baby!

So,  maybe Keith will have to wait a week or so to hear my completely unbelievably awesome Gwendolynn,  it gives me time to work on a few nursing home friendly songs...  I'm thinking this will not be a GG Allin kind of room ,  and it let's me know I am trying to entertain an entire floor of inhabitants,  ones I've come to know a bit,  and I have to say this is NOT the way I thought nursing home patients or staff would behave..  It's nice to see not all rehabilitation centers are scary and smell of moth balls.  And it's nice that i want to try to breathe some life into it...  Even if they are clammering over each other trying to get out of the range of my voice,  haha.  IT'S not really all about me either,  even if it gets me out of my own head,  it's still me trying to give a little back.  God knows these people could use a laugh.  Shalom!

Monday, February 2, 2015

How to Improperly Vent... This could Happen to You!

Once upon a time there was this guy named Bony who must have really not expected to shovel which is really odd considering it was winter, he owned a car he drove regularly, and the undeniable fact that in this completely fictitious part of the world where he lived it had snowed twice in one week.

Now it would seem that this fellow would come to the realization that shoveling was mandatory for him, but due to  his alcohol consumption, simple common sense was failing him. Not only was that notion missing it's mark, but obviously he had another notion that some other character in this story, someone who relied on his own two feet for transportation should share. What a silly boy. I know.

This other character,   a sharp minded, attractive man we'll call Brian was a good hearted guy who was generous to a fault but for the facts that he immensely disliked winter and all its accessories;  cold, snow, and Christmas being examples.  Christmas was an entirely different source of misery,  but? That's a story for another time.

Bony had a bad day yesterday.  He had mistakenly thought Brian was absolutely responsible for some of the task at hand, overlooking the aforementioned independence Brian regularly displayed in his daily activities.  Though Brian may be relied upon to borrow gas money and was a regular passenger in the vehicle, it was only during shopping for the home and errands that had other than Brians interest at stake, such as food shopping, doctors appointments,  abd court appearances.

Brian remained warm and dry that day while Tony, oops! Bony didn't.  He shoveled alone because it was his car and even the threat that Brian would no longer be offered rides couldn't have its desired effect since Brian never relied upon anyone's car for rides.  Brian felt no guilt at all. The end.

Any similarities with living people is coincidental in nature. This is a work of fiction.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

My Head in Your Neck.

I still smile when I blow out the candle next to the picture frame that holds your face.
My new favourite ritual has happened in at least half a dozen changing settled space.

That you're away from me in such finality is sinking into me. At night I find us chatting and I tell you I've had the worst dream, and you say that it isn't as it seems,

but lets enjoy this moment together for as long as we can.

In the morning, I've got to get up and out,  I still have stuff to do.
It's more difficult without you, but I want you to be as proud of me as I am of you.

When the day is through, I return to my dream of you
 telling me it isn't as it seems.

Let's enjoy this moment together as long as we can.

I try to enjoy that I'm hugging on you, and lose my grasp on the fact that when I wake up you're no longer here with me,
because that's not how it seems.
We enjoy this moment together as long as we can.