After enduring what's got to be the worst year of my life on record, I finally have days where I nearly feel completely like myself again... And i feel awful about it, there's a part of you that feels if you don't hold on the grief and keep it fresh, you've done some injustice to the person you've lost. There are people who will remind you of this as well, aren't they GREAT?!?
Thankfully, I married John McLoughlin, and it's days where I hear his voice telling me I've got to "get on with it", "cope", or just his general way of being supportive in his own unique manner that tells me the winter was awful but won't last forever, and although the world will never be the same? It's the only bloody world you live in, and you're not doing anybody a scrap of good if your just wrapped up in yourself.
I came to this conclusion after visiting my cousin Keith today, he's suffered an aneurysm last Spring and has been rehabilitating in Boston. I decided the weather wasn't going to keep me from a visit and was surprised to find the weather wasn't to be my concern. It was the MBTA, or the lack of it that would be my hurdles. It's not an exaggeration that I took three busses to get to the train, only to find that it was... A BUS! A bus took me out of the South Shore to the fringes of Boston so I could resume my travels to Chelsea, an area of Boston most people wouldn't venture to unless there was the aforementioned "cousin in a rehab" scenario. I clutched Gwendolynn. Now and then to make sure she was protecting me the way a musical instrument is supposed to protect a commuter. It is hoped whomever sees it says "don't hurt this guy... He knows how to play" cumbaya" and will entertain us if/when the train breaks down.
Once I got to the rehab, it of course started to snow again and I was forced to arrange my time to make a great Escape and not wind up walking home in the dark. I left home to visit Keith at 8:30 am, arrived past noon and nearly immediately. Needed to start making my return trip arrangements. Eek, I said. Of course I brought Gwen and had every intention of showing her off a bit when I was informed unless I was a scheduled musician I could just zip the case right back up. Really!?!? So, of course I went to the desk, got the phone number for the director, and figured that I may not be the best musician in the world, but given this is a nursing home? If I schedule my performance close to med times they're either in for a treat, or they won't even remember I was there in the first place. Win/Win, baby!
So, maybe Keith will have to wait a week or so to hear my completely unbelievably awesome Gwendolynn, it gives me time to work on a few nursing home friendly songs... I'm thinking this will not be a GG Allin kind of room , and it let's me know I am trying to entertain an entire floor of inhabitants, ones I've come to know a bit, and I have to say this is NOT the way I thought nursing home patients or staff would behave.. It's nice to see not all rehabilitation centers are scary and smell of moth balls. And it's nice that i want to try to breathe some life into it... Even if they are clammering over each other trying to get out of the range of my voice, haha. IT'S not really all about me either, even if it gets me out of my own head, it's still me trying to give a little back. God knows these people could use a laugh. Shalom!