Friday, August 23, 2013

You're Flavorful, and With Depth.. Similar to a Necco Wafer

Waking from a terrible nightmare that you overslept an important appointment has a silver lining, so long as you've woken from that terrible nightmare with plenty of time to not miss said appointment... I've been bouncing around America this Summer similar to either a man with no country or someone who has every idea that he is too far from home and is standing on a platform hoping he has all his p's and q's in order to board whatever it is that will not only take him to a different location but also probably a different dimension.

The most meaningful conversations I've indulged in the last three months have been with strangers I've met online who sometimes seem like rather entertaining commercials.. and then? I return to the same bland sitcom that's currently being featured in an unchangeable channel... a channel that's irritating to watch, impossible to change, and the sitcom? My early morning wandering mind has it compared to Head of the Class; You vaguely remember it being on but have no idea why  you remember watching it in the first place; It was either on before something that was more meaningful or filled a time slot that would have been completely empty without it, but enough about Howard Hessman. We can only hope that he's doing well somewhere, unlike Gabriel Kaplan, who's more than likely currently sweating a major loss in some poker joint in Atlantic City against a very bitter old woman over a Social Security Check. Fifteen minutes of fame indeed, Mr. Warhol...

After a while the sitcom analogy starts to manifest and make a bit more sense as it unfolds into either a euphemism or metaphor <who cares?> for whomever you've enjoyed or abhorred in your lifetime. Every time you stop and visit you expect either the same experience, are confused by a dream sequence ocassionally, and it's generally only the comfort of routine that sends you tuning in to the same location week after week, season after season, until the series has run it's course and either jumped a now rather infamous shark or passed on with somewhat more dignity into syndication bearing reruns on cable that are sometimes pleasant to briefly review. They're' familiar, and can sometimes give you a warm feeling, but after the poignant moment you realize you've seen, heard, and had this experience before, and embraced? Rather than being interested in what's new and fresh, you're reliving your memories rather than creating them.

When I was young enough to sit in a kiddy seat in between my parents in an old Galaxy 500, I had thought that the rays of light that reflected from the street lights, the stars, and even the moon weren't reflections, but were energy points propelling the car ahead. They would come to points and bend in the glass and it seemed they were pulling our vehicle as we'd pass to the next lights, which would then be replaced by the next points of light and would repeat until we were in motion, moving ahead towards our destination. This thought is now as absurd as having a kiddy seat that faces the windshield instead of facing your child toward the rear for obvious safety reasons, but at the time? It made perfect sense. I wish I still had more comforting though obscure thoughts to explain undiscovered things, or better yet? More undiscovered things to explain with my comforting, obscure thoughts would be refreshing as well.

Boredom at 3:30 a.m. has yielded a great snippet of a memory from the sitcom rerunning on the bland channel that is my life. I'm comforted by this obscure thought, and I can return to sleep, knowing I still have time to meet my appointment, and that I will be on the platform with all my p's and q's in order.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

City State and Mind

I woke to the sound of seagulls.. and remembered that I arrived in New  Bedford yesterday, nearly evening time... When you tell people you're coming from Maine, it seems everyone assumes you're on the  border of Massachusetts, noone ever makes the leap to geography.. or realizes when you're THAT far north? It's an expedition of sorts, and one that gives you time to reflect on where you're at... spiritually and gps combined.
What was so fondly referred to as 'Brockton by the Sea' is a quaint early morning seaside town.. where the Dunkin Donuts opens at four a.m. (overjoyed) and though the historic neighborhood is set on a hill with cobblestone walks it doesn't take both eyes to realize how close the ocean is... your other senses do it for you... I had the greatest summer here, pre John of course... Since John? For the last two years it's been perpetually summer the entire time, or as I've come to know the seasons? Summer, Nearing the End of Southern hemisphere Summer, Pre Northern Hemisphere Summer, and Summer... but that story is for another time, and I don't need to be pelted by envy rocks.... Yay Summer!! All continuous 50 months of it!

I'm here with two great friends, and left two great friends to come.. It's been a trial of sorts to convey the message that I'm miserable when I'm not in Sydney... and not to down the good ole U. Ess. of Aye, but I have a home... elsewhere.. Right now? I'm in between being home and a government that with all it's good intentions, is still outdated when it comes to the notion of same sex marriage.. with patience that will change. Until then? Well, I'm a grumpy creative sort who says stupid insensitive things at times in regards to my locations, and my sarcastic  wit automatically jumps to humorous observations much to the dismay of the people who've graciously offered me lodging while I wait for my visa to refresh.. I apologize immensely at times, but I can't help but fill my idle time and mind pointing out not flaws, but what I consider geographical quirks.. Not that Australia is any better a corner of the world than anywhere else but for the fact that my greatest love is there in our home, and I feel like a nomad here now. In short my house keys don't work anywhere near here, my kitchen is so far away I can't remember how much I hate my oven, and the only person who isn't insulted by what i consider clever observation isn't here to tell me to ease off or argue what is and is not in bad taste when chatting to locals about their neighborhoods.

I miss arguing without consequence with someone who may walk away when we disagree, but can't only walk away to a different room in our flat and has the intuition to know that yes, I say hurtful things on a regular basis, but that's what makes being able to mentally block me out at times not only necessary but enjoyable since the alternative... Well? In marriage there is no alternative.. For better or worse? Yes, and guess what? My sarcastic borderline Asperger Syndrome insensitve comments are my 'worse'...

I jumped out of my lead singers car at South Station in Boston and had an immediate adrenaline rush to  be in the financial district once again.. When you work for a printing company with twelve  Boston locations and you're the idiot who volunteers as much overtime at any location you're going to get very familiar with Boston, and in ten years with the best company I've every worked for, I know alleys that aren't filled with icky people but hidden dunkin donuts grottos, shortcuts that can keep you indoors from the swan boats to Rowes Wharf if it's raining.. and I'm also privy to being an ass when I'm accosted by someone asking me for... well? Anything...

When I'm traveling with one bag and a guitar, do you honestly think I'm going to put one of them down to scrounge for change or a cigarette for what appears to be exact replicas of the urchin who asked me every time I venture outdoors in Boston to go to work? I may resemble a tourist or sorts, but I'm a tourist everywhere, and the more I get around the more I observe the hustle of the city. I hope I never become so desensitized that I'm not compassionate, but also smart enough to spot a hustle from 100 yards. I'm a socialist because I don't understand the alternative, I'm an atheist because I don't have enough data or faith to consider structured religion, and when suspicious of ulterior motives and manipulation I get downright mouthy and indignent. In short if I feel I'm being manipulated? The claws come out.
It's a balance of doing the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing combined with my refusal to not smile as much as I like to; if smiles are considered weakness, well then? I'm completely prepared to prove otherwise, and to do it while smiling...this however does not make me a 'mark'.. it makes be a positive guy.

Happiness is a choice, not a sign of ignorance. I'm aware of the state of the world, it's surrounding and inhabitants, and I choose to be optimistic (in real life), and I'm a guy who likes to smile. My parade doesn't get rained on, because you know? I like to play in puddles...

It's been a bit since I've typed a thought or two here, so this may seem a bit unfocused, but in an optimistic sarcastic way I crossed back into Boston and remembered that my sarcasm isn't meant to be cruel or even understood. I'm in a simple way always trying to view situations and people from more than one angle, while in the process amusing my brain at the expense of others. It's what makes me smile before, during and after I tell someone to fuck off... Everything sounds better when you smile. Shalom, and Hello Massachusetts. It's good to be home... Can I leave now??